​​​​​​Because humor is funnier when you know it's true.

A battle of wits   

I grew up in a small town of 8000 that had an extremely low crime rate. The main problems were vandalism and graffiti committed by bored teens. Since our police were not very challenged, one of the older officers, Bud, decided to make it his personal crusade to eliminate juvenile delinquency. As a result, he would give teenagers a hard time by breaking up groups of youths that were loitering, or by following teens in their cars until he could catch them speeding. 

I had always been a “good boy,” and never got into any real trouble through my high school years, save the occasional dalliance with fireworks. However, in college I discovered the wonders of drinking. In my senior year, I turned 21 and was able to finally buy my own beer. Happy days! 

In that Summer of 21, I was home from college, my parents were away, and I decided to buy two quarts of beer to share with my friend John. As I walked out of the liquor store with the beer, I noticed that Officer Bud was parked in his patrol car, watching me with wide open eyes. I should mention two things here. For one, I was a very skinny and youthful 21 year old, probably looking more like 17 or 18. Secondly, my friend John was only 19, and not a legal drinker. 

As I pulled out of my parking spot, I saw Officer Bud pull out and follow me. I crept home at a super slow speed so that I couldn’t be charged with speeding. But of course, Bud didn’t have speeding on his mind. When I got about two blocks from home, he turned on his flashing lights and pulled me over. Looking rather smug, he asked me for my license and registration. I asked him semi-innocently why he pulled me over. Instead of answering me, he asked ”What’s in your bag?” I told him “Beer,” and showed him the two bottles. 

I watched as he read my birthdate and did the mental calculation of my age, with a look of great disappointment. In his frustration, he tried another approach, and accused me of driving with beer in the car. I said, “But the beer has never been opened, and I’ve had nothing to drink."