​​​​​​Because humor is funnier when you know it's true.

Come blow your horns​ (continued)

Cars will come equipped with two horns on either side of the steering wheel. One is for when you wish to pleasantly signal the distracted driver ahead that red has given way to green and the other is for when some malignant jerk almost crashes into the front end of your car and causes your air bag to deploy.

Never again will you accidentally upset a dawdling driver such that he exits his car and stuffs you into his gas tank.  Just hit the Nice Horn.

And never again will you accidentally sound a soft ineffective beep when you mean to assault a vehicular villain with a blaring blast somewhat akin to the voice of the late Ethel Merman.  Just hit the Mean Horn.

That’s Nice Horn/Mean Horn.

Wouldn't you like to have my nifty innovation behind the wheel?  Here's hoping someone at General Motors, Ford, Toyota, or even Matchbox Cars picks up on this and makes it a reality.

I tell you, chum, it’s time to come blow your horns.

-Perry Block

Perry Block is a humorist living in Havertown, Pennsylvania, which is close enough to the Philadelphia Main Line so that he can wrongly brag he lives there. He has just published his first book about Baby Boomer life Perry Block-Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute, which also features parody, satire, and anything else you want.