​​​​​​Because humor is funnier when you know it's true.

Cutting cable leads to smarter dogs

“I think we should get rid of cable." 

These were the words my girlfriend said to me in the middle of this terrible winter we’re finally scraping out of, right when nothing sounded better than cozying up under blankets and settling in for the night with a nice movie and some popcorn. They were the words that every boyfriend and husband dread, more than “I have a headache,” “Let’s start exercising,” or even “We should start eating healthier.” Was she crazy? 

"Are you crazy?" I asked her. She said that no, she was not. 

"Think of all the time we waste sitting in front of the TV," she said. "Think of everything we could accomplish: conversation, reading, exercising; you can practice your guitar, write more." What was she trying to do? What could I have done to deserve something as terrible as this? There were sports, reality, cooking, home improvement, action, sci fi, drama, comedy, zombie shows, so many that I felt I had to watch, all before bedtime.

And the dogs. When we left for work, my girlfriend turned on the TV for them. It gave them company, she said. 

"What about the dogs?" I asked. 

"I don't know, we'll turn on the radio." 

I sighed. "I'll think about it." 

After a few days, I decided I'd at least give the cable company a call to see what our bill would look like with just internet. We weren't going back to the Stone Age here, after all. Twenty minutes later, I hung up the phone, exhausted. Not only did we still have cable, but I had gotten us two and a half months for free. 

"Hey," I said to my somewhat annoyed girlfriend. "At least we can watch the Super Bowl at home now!" Think of all those hilarious commercials we would've missed.