​​​​​​Because humor is funnier when you know it's true.

 ​Fun with telemarketers  

After spending five minutes of my life that I’ll never get back again trying to politely get rid of a slick-talking dude who’d phoned, intent upon selling me seasons tickets to the opera, I asked my Facebook pals “What’s the best way to deal with telemarketers?”

I got a wide range of responses.

Many had ideas for dispatching them swiftly: 

Hand a 3-year old the phone and tell them it’s Santa

Just tell them you don’t speak English. In English.

I like to belt out a show tune. “If I Were A Rich Man” is nicely ironic. 

Modulate your voice and pretend you’re an answering machine.

This is why the Tuba is the best instrument EVER.

Start trying to sell them your car.

Try heavy breathing.

Say that you’re broke, unemployed and being evicted.

Ask “Where should I send the invoice for this call? I’m a consultant and I bill for my time.”

I ask them to describe what they’re wearing. That usually shuts them down, although I’m not sure why.

I always say, “He’s here, and I know he’ll be very interested in your offer. Hold on a minute while I get him.” Then I put the phone in a drawer.

Nuke ‘em from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.