​​​​​​Because humor is funnier when you know it's true.

Hey old lady! Want to buy a reverse mortgage?

Facebook just hit me with an ad for coping with memory loss, probably because I recently turned 63. As far as my favorite social media site is concerned, I am now an Old Lady. Curious, I asked my FB pals who are also Seniors what kind of promotions have been turning up in their feeds.

They tell me that in the upcoming days, I should expect to see ads for the following:

Walkers
Depends
Wheelchairs
Walk-in bathtubs
Colonoscopies
Senior dating sites
Viagra and Cialis
Medicare Supplemental Insurance
Reverse mortgages
Baldness cures 
“Prevent Alzheimer’s Disease with Coconut Oil.” (If only it were that simple…)
Ads telling me what to do about my enlarged prostate
Make-up tips for “mature women”

And, worst of all?

Cremation!

I could continue to ignore ads like this. Or I could put them all together and see what happens! I’ll apply make-up using those tips, then take a photo and post it on a senior dating site, where I’ll meet a balding man with an enlarged prostate. We’ll fall in love, reverse our mortgages and squander the resulting windfall on a gigantic walk-in bathtub where, after I gobbles his Viagra (and I take off my Depends) we’ll have lots and lots of sex (which we’ll make sure we don’t forget by dousing ourselves with Coconut Oil.)

Then? We’ll die of happiness & get cremated.

Thanks, Facebook!

-Roz Warren

This piece originally appeared on humoroutcasts.com.  Roz Warren, who writes for everyone from The New York Times to The Funny Times, is the author of Our Bodies, Our Shelves: Library Humor  and Just Another Day At Your Local Public Library, both of which you should buy immediately.