​​​​​​Because humor is funnier when you know it's true.

It’s May. Enjoy yourself!

May is National Masturbation Month.

How do I know? 

My pal Senior Sex Expert Joan Price (www.Joanprice.com) is not only vigorously celebrating, but doing everything she can to spread the word.

“I’m on it!” I assured her when she told me. “Thanks.”  

Because May is also Gifts From The Garden Month, the library where I work has put together a lavish display of gardening books. Naturally, I decided to augment this exhibit with a few masturbation titles.  Does my library stock books about masturbation? Not as such.  But we do have all three books in the “Fifty Shades of Grey” series, Anais‘s Nin‘s “Delta of Venus,” and the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. 

Close enough.     

Masturbation! Gardening! What else are we supposed to be doing in May? A little research revealed that there’s plenty to celebrate, observe or become aware of this month. To experience May to the fullest, I’ve decided to partake of as many as I can.     

Some will be easy.     

Get Caught Reading Month? I work in a public library -- that’s practically my job description. And, as a Secular Jew. I‘m a walking celebration of Jewish American Heritage Month. Older Americans Month?  At 62, I’m in. As for Better Sleep Month, if I celebrate National Masturbation Month right before I drop off to sleep, I’ve got that covered too.  

With any luck, I’ll dream about Inventors, Drums and Mental Health.

For National Physical Fitness and Sports Month, I can ride my bicycle (it’s National Bike Month!) to the ball park. Which, if it‘s a week day, will require that I observe National Revise Your Work Schedule Month.