​​​​​​Because humor is funnier when you know it's true.

The tooth fairy:  How I changed the game​ (continued)

Were they like- hmmm, let’s see. How can we make life excruciating for every parent in the universe, forever?  I’ve got just the thing! We’ll tell children everywhere to hide their smallest possession- their baby teeth- under their pillow in the dark of night! Their parents will be tired, it will be risky, and almost possible to find them under their sweaty little heads. It’s a miserable idea only the most idiotic humans will attempt. It’s perfect.

I mean what?!

Their pillow!!?? You’re telling me we have to root around under THEIR PILLOW without waking them? Does anyone else think this sounds like some kind of modern, out-of-the-box court sentence? I don’t know what’s worse, them waking to see their mom lurking over them with nervous sweat dripping off her face and her hand under their pillow, or the fairy forgetting to come altogether. Like how did our parents even do this? And why???

Isn’t Santa Claus and a gigantic disturbed-looking rabbit enough nonsense for children? We have to throw in a fairy with a fetish for teeth? No wonder our kids resent us as teens. That’s right after they figure out that we have been lying to them for their whole lives. And not even good lies like when you tell them that the family pet went to live on a farm, or that milk makes their bones strong.

But all joking aside, this situation did teach me some valuable stuff. Like the fact that only 5 minutes acting as the tooth fairy is enough to cause a slight case of PTSD. And that my husband’s snoring can be heard through two walls and the clanking of unearned medals.

And that all it takes to change the game is a hand-typed note, strategically slipped under, of all things, a child’s pillow.

-Lindsay Sutton

Lindsay is a full-time working wife and mom to a feisty six year old boy who keeps her on her toes! When she’s not cleaning up cat puke, avoiding the dishes, or fielding phone calls from the school Principal, she loves spending time with her family and doing anything creative that she can get her hands on (to avoid those Pinterest withdrawals).  You can follow her on her blog, Essentially Momming, and on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and Twitter!